she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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