Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
