I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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