to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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