i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
