Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
