I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
