apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
