he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My ATM looks so different sober.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
