I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
