He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
