Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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