I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
