she woke up with a sticky ear
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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