Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
