Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
