So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
