you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
