I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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