My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think weed is turning my hair brown
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
