$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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