at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
