So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
