I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
