either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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