i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
