I'm pants shitting drunk right now
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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