Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
