Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
