So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
