yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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