He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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