i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
