I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
