I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
