the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
