Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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