I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
