We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
