shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize