the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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