1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We need to get me chipped asap
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
