Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
