Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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