Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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