I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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