We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
not ubering you a puppy
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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