Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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