i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
