The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
