I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
