i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
