we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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