and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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