So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize