2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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