I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
