It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
