I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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