dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
