Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
