guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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