Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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