Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
