i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
