please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
