As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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