i used baking grease as lip gloss
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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