even my farts smell like vagina
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
