Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
